It's been a while...

 It's been A while...

     Hey to whoever is reading this right now. It's been 4 years since I have blogged. Crazy, right? I know! It took me getting a new laptop for me to realize, Erin you don't blog anymore. Then it led me to see the last time I have blogged, which has been Jan 2019! Anyways, enough about that. Let's update the blog, shall we?

    First COVID. That was an interesting year if I do say so myself. 2020 was a very, very interesting year. I learned so much about myself, other people, strangers, children, my family, and my few friends. I learned that your job should not be your life. I learned that my profession, my passion, my calling is exactly what I should be doing and that's why I am doing it! I learned so much about faith, God, and Jesus. Things happen for a reason that we can't understand nor fathom. Lastly, I learned that family is the most important people in your life. During COVID I did manage to start a healthy journey. I discovered the Noom App! This App is nothing like I have ever seen before. Noom goes into the Psychology aspect of why we eat the way we do and where does it come from. Then shortly after that I met this really nice friend Vay. She introduced me to Keto and intermittent fasting. Those 2 were a game changer for me. I quickly found out that the Ol' saying, "You are what you eat" was an actual true statement. Okay, before you come for me here me out. Any healthy journey is mostly 80-20. 80% what you eat and 20% exercise. I am not even joking. Like everything though there is a beginning and there is an ending. Our friendship ended but I managed to continue on that Keto journey. I felt great. Along the way though I lost my job at Gloria Dei and found one at another private church named C. That was a great job! It ended sadly and traumatic however it's okay. That job allowed for me to get out of my comfort zone and think outside the box. For once, I was in charge, I was the teacher. Those babies helped me to see that if they can adapt then I can adapt too! Virtual Learning... Gee where do I begin with that cringe worthy statement. That was quite an experience. Let me tell you though, those babies did it! I am still so proud of them! 

    Next, HOME SWEET HOME! Yes, we are homeowners! Among the chaos we became homeowners. During our Anniversary month which made it extra special! Wow, the day we became homeowners there was a stack of papers so thick that we had to sign that I didn't think it was ever going to end! LOL! Like I felt like Sarah and Frosty on Frosty the Snowman when they were at the ticket booth and the man at the booth takes out that long list of train departures but none on there were where they needed to go! Anyways, if you see/seen the movie, you will understand the connection. That ended up being the reason why I lost my job, but I have a home! I'm a homeowner! That was the choice I made. My family and my home over my job. God is good and I stand on that! I now have the sudden urge to paint all the rooms and decorate even more! You know all the crazy things that homeowners want to do after they purchase their house. To be able to say that it's my house feels so good. 

    I FOUND A JOB! Thank God for finding that job for me! Not because of money even though that helps however that is not the main reason for being grateful. It's the people. The atmosphere. My teacher is amazing! She's so honest and truthful. If we have any disagreement or we don't like certain things, we deal with it together. Having an open and honest relationship with your coworker that you spend a lot of time with that is important. We communicate with each other all the time and we let each other know what's going on and what is happening. This job has its challenges, but it is nothing compared to the others. This job is the best job I've had thus far! Being able to switch off and on with my teacher with the kids is such a nice bonus that way no one is getting burnt out and the kids never get used to one or the other. we are equal in that room, and we all work together. she focuses a lot on being calm and using our words to express what is wrong or how we feel. She also focuses on the children being independent and self-sufficient which is much needed when going into kindergarten and all the other grades in school. This job also has paid days off like for holidays and what have you. I also have the summer off which is SOOO nice!! I'm so grateful! Something so simply means so much!

    Lastly, I'm learning to manage my Mental Health. In 2020, I realized that I needed help. I finally went to therapy. Therapy is amazing and I thank God every day that people like therapists exist. I learned through therapy that Childhood Trauma is real and being triggered is a real thing but is needed to heal the pain that was endured during childhood. This journey has been very insightful. My relationship with Jesus has only gotten deeper and stronger. As I sit here as a 35-year-old I cannot believe the things I have gone through and still able to function is amazing to me. I just thank God and Jesus for that. For putting people in my life to be there when I need to talk and for them to be there to talk to. I am just so grateful and blessed to have my people, my family, and my faith! God is good! I read somewhere that religion shames you for having dirty feet, but Jesus washes your feet. It doesn't matter what you've done it doesn't matter where you been what matters is that you believe in Jesus you believe he died for your sins and that you live your life for him. Loving people, being kind to people, helping people, and telling people about Jesus is how you live your life for him! Thats it! What a blessing!

Surviving a thing called "Life"

We as adults here this all the time. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. but is that true? Is that really true? It may be true but it doesn't feel like it. It sometimes feel like the hands we are dealt and things we deal with feel like they are going to destroy us and tear us down until we are nothing. For example, living pay check to pay check really is a struggle. So much at times it feels like your never gonna make it back to the top. Looking into your cabinet and its empty is also a struggle. Sometimes it makes you feel like a failure as a person because your cant provide for your family. I'm sure i'm not the only one who goes through this but that doesn't make it better. You sometimes feel like there is no ending to the cycle. Then something else happens in your life that just makes everything even worse. You never know what someone is going through. then on top of everything you cant seem to wanna better yourself. you don't have the energy to change your eating habits because you've turned to food to help deal with what your going through. what an awful cycle. you start 2nd guessing everything you know and believe in. you wonder what God is trying to teach you. what is the lesson in all of this for you? Other people aren't going through this. people you know are fine and happy. you try to be that way but its hard, its really hard to be happy when it feels like your life is falling to pieces all around you. then you go to church on Sunday and are reminded that you are okay. that sometimes life is just rough even though your life has been rough for 10 plus years or so now. and it feels like you and your family cant catch a break. you feel like when is it going to be your family's turn to feel happy and stress-free. when is it going to be your family's turn to see something you want and no questions asked you all can go buy it. Then you go to church on Sunday and remember why your family have to work hard for the things you want and sometimes you still don't get it. you remember that your family doesn't need expensive things or things at all. you remember that when you and your family work hard for you all want your more appreciative of those things and are grateful. your family survives life with God's love and each others love. you remember that your family is okay and that everything is going to be okay because you have God's love and each other. So when you wake in the morning your just like the other people that you know and don't know, your happy. Your happy to be alive, your happy that you and your family are able to see another day, and your happy that your family has each other and God's love. Tha'ts how my family survives life. That's how i survive life. Its difficult and there are days when i want to throw in the towel but i just remember that my life is my life and that i have a family that loves each other and has God's love. We have each other and God's love. that's surviving a thing called "life"
So until next time 

We got this!

Kicked to the curb like trash

When you think of trash you think of yucky substances that are in a bag and need to go to that big ole green thing that sits outside in your backyard or front yard, no judging here. You never think that it's someone, a human, a person, etc. Well, for some they do think people are trash for the fact that they just kick their loved ones to the curb like trash.

What is a definition of a Mother? According to Google, a mother is a woman in relation to her child or children(noun). Bring up (a child) with care and affection(verb). But my definition is simple just like my father definition. A mother is someone who is there for you unconditionally no questions asked. She puts her child(ren) first above anything else without questions asked or to think about it. She LISTENS to you like really listens to you when you talk about how you feel and what you are feeling. You are able to tell her how you feel and she doesn't get offended and yells at your or hangs up on you, she just listens. She genuinely proud of you for all that you accomplished and she doesn't throw up in your face the fact that you haven't had children or the fact that her other children gave her grandchildren. She doesn't treat you second best because you haven't given her grandchildren. She just accepts you for who you are and still loves you for it. 

6 Years ago there was a fallen out between my step dad and I because I at the time didn't pay my mother gas money for taking me to and from school. I at the time had honestly forgot. I had been dealing with a lot with school from exams and studying that I just literally forgot. Well i had posted how i felt about the situation on my Blog and on facebook. So that memory like all facebook memories came up and I shared it. I honestly didn't know it was only 6 years ago. I thought it was longer because it feels longer but also it feels like just yesterday i was called from everything from a bitch to a no good daughter to a piece of shit daughter and that i never loved him like a father and blah blah. I shared that memory on facebook because I still feel like i need to remember. I don't need to forget. I dont wanna forget how i felt that day. I dont wanna forget those people that were there for me from the beginning of my journey. I dont wanna forget that someone i loved alot and accepted into my life without knowing them and called them daddy. No, i dont wanna forget that. I want to remember and i want everyone else to remember with me. whether it hurts peoples feelings or not. If it does hurt your feels, then obviously you feel guilty. And thats exactly what my mother did. She told me that she doesnt want me in her life, she doesnt want me to come around, and that she is done with me. how can a mother say that to their child? i dont get it. for someone who didnt have me apart of their life i dont understand how easily it is to tell them you done with them. your kicking them to the curb like trash. 

Among this heartbreak, before this situation, i also lost 2 dear friends of mine. they took their life. They were suffering with depression and one was also suffering from Bipolar disorder as well. someone people like my husband dont like to here my say this but i can understand why they did what they did. I totally honestly can. Let me explain before you freak out. they felt like they had no one and they felt like no one cared about them. Those demons inside them got the best of them and they were louder than the angels inside. ive been there i almost done what they did. i felt like no one understood what i was going through and no one cared. i was obese, i was being raised by my grandparents, i had a grandma who mentally abused me, pushed people i loved away, i was told at 16 years old that there was a possibility that my mothers father was my father. like at 16, i was really going through alot. i was even going through hormones from being a teenager. when your that low you feel like there is no other choice but to do it or the voices in your head tell you to do it. and it doesnt help when you dont have the people their to help you and care for you. 

So, after what my mother told me, i am moving on from this with my head held high. I am now toxic free. It hurts it hurts really bad but i think this is for the best. I was a burden to her. i was a bother to her. she doesnt need someone else to worry about. she has plenty of people to worry about. so i dont need her. i have the people that will be there for me forever. and have been there for me since day one! they didnt just decide one day that they have had enough and kick me to the curb like trash. Its times like these you remember those that love you. and you remember how blessed you are to have them in your life because without them i wouldnt be where i am today without them. My husband, my grandpa, my mother in law. i owe them everything of me for what they have done for me and what they continue to do for me! i am so incredibly grateful for them and i love them with all of my heart.

I know this is a long blog but i felt like i needed to get this out because it feels better when you do get it out. I wanted to spread the awareness for mental illness. I wanted to make people aware of Toxic people and what they do to your life. they really do sicken your life and make your life toxic. like i said earlier i am moving on from this with my head held high and i know that i am not trash and i dont deserve to be kick to the curb like so. when i have my children i will never treat them like that. i will love them for who they are and what they stand for. i will be there for them regardless. they will know their mother loves them and cares about them. they will never ever ever question my love and how much i care. they will be put first! 

that is all! until next time:

"A champion is defined not by their wins but by how they can recover when they fall"-Serena Williams

What happened in a year!!

Finally the day has come that I am officially on the last blog! It only took a few years to complete! Haha! But it's not how we start it's how we finish! And I finally finished! So, the last time I was on here I was still in school and I finished Day 29 of the blog challenge. I was discussing school, my new job, my wedding, etc. Well, to update everyone, I am MARRIED! July 7th, 2018 was my Wedding day! It was absolutely the best day of my entire life! I am still walking around on cloud 9. It was just a magical day that I will never forget for the rest of my life! I am getting butterflies just thinking about it! That day I officially felt like a Queen for a day! Everything went so smoothly and nothing major happened other than me forgetting my bouquet! Yes, I forgot my bouquet! But I realized it in good timing way before the wedding even started! So score for me! lol! I had an amazing Matron of honor who went and got it for me! Everyone involved in my Wedding made it so effortless and non-stressful! I am so blessed to have the amazing people I have in my life! My wedding day would not of went the way that it did without those amazing people and they know who they are!! Well, enough about the wedding day, lol, I also graduated! FINALLY! I DID IT! May 10th, 2018 I walked across the stage at the Hampton Coliseum and received my Diploma in Early Childhood Education! I am so blessed and grateful that God gave me the strength to get through those 8 long years! And again, I am so incredibly grateful for those amazing people who helped me along the way! Without them, I wouldn't have made it! I am one lucky and blessed woman, let me tell ya! I am still at Gloria Dei! and I still love this job! Everyday I am happy I have the job that I have. There are days that are more challenging then others but I would not trade it for the world! This job and the people there make you feel important, loved, and cared for! They value you as a person and make you feel wanted and needed. I have never felt that way at a job in my life. And yes granted I have been really working that long and haven't worked at alot of places but still counts! Having a firm foundation at the root of a job is so important! If you don't you will not have a successful company! At Gloria Dei the firm foundation is the Word of GOD! Not saying that all companies need to become christian and believe in GOD and whatnot, that's not what I'm saying. What I am saying you have to find the foundation that works for your company. You have to love your employees and treat them that you would like to be treated. You have to value your employees and make them feel wanted and needed. I love this job and I am so glad that I made that decision in April of 2015! Best decision ever! Well enough about all my accomplishments let me get to the blog! 

30 Day Blog Challenge!
Day 30! Last BLOG!!! 
Your Goals for the next 30 Days.
Hmm, that's a very good question! I guess my goals would have to be:
1. Get my Grandpa home!!
2. Stop sweating the small stuff!
3. Wash, fold, and put away the laundry! (It's so hard)
4. Be even more spontaneous than I usually am!
5. Thoroughly clean my house!
6. Laugh more!
7. Spend more time with family!
8. Set up the rest of my nutcrackers!
9. Get my hair trimmed!
10. Spend some much needed time with my MOMMA!

30 Day Blog Challenge!

Hey again!

  So Like i said i am back. I had to post that essay because that topic got me up in an uproar. but anyway. To continue what i was talking about earlier this morning. i am still in school. i will be done in december of this year. and i will be graduating next year in may! i will also be getting married next year in july. we just changed the date from july 4 to july 7. this april i have a induction ceremony with the NSLS which stands for the national honor society of leadership and success! that i am so excited about. i cannot believe i was ever invited. only select people are invited to NSLS. anyways yes it is true i have lost weight. i was reading my earlier blogs from a few years ago and there was one blog that was about where i would like to be in 10 years. and i said skinner, married, etc.. well so far the skinner part has come true. i cannot believe ive lost 109 pounds. well while on my blog i decided i should finish the blog. so here i am. 

Dinner Party! Who's invited? 

Day 29- List 10 people dead or alive, you would invite to dinner. Include the dinner menu.


hmm, who would i want to invited to dinner? dead or alive. well,
1. my grandma of course. 
2. my great grandma.
3. my great uncle.
4. George Washington
5. Thomas Jefferson
6. Ronald Reagan.
7. John Lennon
8. Robin Williams.
9. Selena.
10. My grandpa bobby.

The dinner menu would include:
Appetizer- Asparagus wrapped in bacon
1st course- Caesar Salad
2nd course- Prime Rib, roasted red potatoes, carrots, and onions, homemade cranberry sauce and steamed broccoli
3rd course- a choice of homemade fruit cocktail, homemade pineapple upside down cake, cheesecake, or apple pie with vanilla ice cream.

and there you have it. my dinner party with my guests! this menu is making me hungry and i just had lunch! lol! well until next time, 
It's ALMOST fridayyy!!! :)

Freedom. What does that mean to you?

Well hello. So i haven't written anything on here since 2014. A lot of stuff as happened since then. i got a new job! I now work for Gloria Dei Lutheran School! Im FINALLY working somewhere that what im learning in school is being used to my benefit! it feels amazing! I am finally taking care of myself! so with that im LOOSING weight! yay! I have as of now lost 109 pounds since 2015! crazy! i cannot believe in 2014 i was pushing 400. i cannot let that happen anymore. ive seen too many of my family members struggle with their weight and then leave me due to conditions because of their weight. not me! i am in the national honor society of leadership and success. i know! and this December i will be done with college! so with that, this spring semester i am taking English 112. and our first essay assignment was to write a persuasive essay about what we should eat and should we let government get involved with what we eat or should that we our own choice. well here's my essay. The people that i reference in my essay are people from the They say I say book for English. Hppe you guys like it! ill write again soon! Muah! 

Freedom Consumption

            What should we eat? That’s a very good question considering we spend much of our time in our car driving to god knows where. We spend more time in our car than at the dinner table. American drivers spend an average of more than 17,600 minutes behind the wheel, per a new survey from the AA Foundation for Traffic Safety (AAA). I believe Americans should have complete freedom to choose what they consume because it’s a personal & private manner.

            Balko states, “It’s difficult to think of anything more private and less public concern than what we choose to put into our bodies” (468). That statement speaks volumes to me because honestly, he’s right. Why are we so concerned about what other people are doing or even eating? As children aren’t we taught to mind our business when we tell on another child for doing something they aren’t supposed to do? So why do we feel as adults that doesn’t apply to us anymore? We as Americans are so worried about others that we are losing focus on ourselves and what we are doing and what we are eating. Yet we are so quick to point fingers at someone else even if what we are eating is unhealthy too.

           

Eating healthy doesn’t require a million dollars or a Manuel on eating healthy for dummies. It does require a little time, patience, and common sense. Sounds easy, right? Well it is. Prepping our lunch or snacks on the weekends for the next week is a great way to stay focused on eating healthy. Sometimes when the food is already prepared for us, we tend to eat better as opposed to not having food prepared and choosing fast food or junk food. But being in America, we have that personal right because of our founding fathers that fought for our freedom and what our men and woman continue to do day in and day out. So, if we want our cake and eat it too, we can do that and no one should tell us otherwise. It’s our private & personal right.

            Zinczenko claims, “Complicating the lack of alternatives is the lack of information about what, exactly, we’re consuming” (463). I disagree with this statement. There are plenty of alternatives to eat instead of eating fast food of if we have no other choice there are healthier choices at most fast food restaurants. Such as water instead of soda. If you feel like you don’t want to pay for water, we can bring our own. There are salads, wraps, whole wheat buns instead of white, and grilled instead of fried. We also have the choice to pack our own breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Instead of buying processed fast food we can make our own food. Furthermore, there are plenty of Nutritional facts on fast food containers. Consumers must take the time to look and read those labels. That’s easier said than done because people don’t read anymore unless it’s on a laptop, phone, tablet, or television.

            I believe the Government should not intervene in what we eat any more than they already do. Myplate.gov tells us and shows us what and how much we should be eating. Have we been listening eating per those guidelines? No, we have not. Why? Well because we as Americans don’t like to be told what to do. So why do we feel that the Government getting more involved is going to change or make it better? That question will never be answered because we don’t know the logic behind how some of us Americans “think.” We don’t need anyone telling us what we are eating is wrong or bad for us. Like Mary Maxfield emphasizes, “Trust yourself. Trust your body. Meet your needs” (446). That formula we should live by because we are the person that knows what we can or can’t eat. How much we should eat or shouldn’t eat. We adults and Americans know our own body. No one else does.

            So, in conclusion, what we eat is our business. If we eat fast food instead of eating healthy then we shouldn’t blame others or the business we ate at. They didn’t make us eat there. We are the blame for what we eat. Americans should have that freedom to choose because it’s a personal & private manner. Letting the government get more involved isn’t going to make us eat any better because we want to eat what we want. Having them tell us what to eat or what to buy will cause our country to become a Dictatorship rather than a Democracy. That’s why American is called, “Land of the free” for a reason. We are free. And that’s how it should be.

Work Cited

AAA Newsroom. AAA Foundation. 2015. Online. 31 January 2017.

Graff Gerald, Cathy Birkenstein, Russel Durst. They say I say with readings. 2017. Print.

30 Day Blog Challenge!

Day 28- Something that you miss.

Well, another serious blog challenge again today! Lets hope i can keep it together without crying! LOL! And i apologize in advance because there is more than one thing that i miss so I'm talking about them all! :D 

1. Quality time with my Grandma. I miss that a lot. We did everything together. We went shopping, we watched movies together, took naps together, play games together, cooked together, etc. You name it we did it! Looking back on it i really took those times for granted. I guess i thought she would be with me forever. Looks like i was wrong. Its funny how life works out in ways you never thought it would. The saying is true that you don't know what you got until its gone. She said that was gonna happen too! She told me one day when we were arguing, she said, You know what one day your gonna need me and I'm not gonna be there and your gonna miss me and wish i was here, but it'll be too late because ill be gone! So crazy how she knew that! I guess she knew me so well! 

2. Talks with my Grandma. Boy do i miss those. I could talk to her about anything. I remember like it was yesterday when she got me and my first boyfriend together. I hate bringing it up but it was just cool how my Grandma did it. We were talking one day and she said, what do you think about Darius. I say well hes pretty cool friend, blah blah blah. She says, well i think he likes you. I say ewww really.. Omg i hope not! hes ugly and fat and short and hes my friend! She says, Erin Nicole, don't talk about people like that. I taught you better than to bad mouth people. You don't want anyone to say that about you, so don't say things like that about them. That boy is a nice boy. Who cares if hes short, ugly, or fat. If he treats you right that's all that matters. I say but nanny hes not my color and if we go out bubba Steve, papa, and papa bobby are gonna get mad at me. She says, Honey don't you worry about them and don't worry about his color. That's another thing you don't worry about. Just because hes a different color than you doesn't mean that you cant date each other. Color doesn't matter and what people say don't matter either! She also said, Erin Nicole in life don't you ever judge a book by its cover before you open it and read what its about! I will never forget that day for the rest of my life. That day paved the way to the day that i met the love of my life! The day i met him I didn't judge him. I met him, got to know him, became friends with him, and in the end fell in love with him! If it wasn't for my Grandma, i don't think that day or any other day after that would have ever happened. 

3. Grandma and Great Grandma's cookin'. OMG! Totally took that for granted too! Geez, their cooking was something else! I loved it! I guess what made their cooking so good was that they cooked from the heart! I inherited some of that. They took pride in their cooking and i do too! But my cooking is no where near as good as theirs! Their cooking was so good it would make you wanna slap your momma! haha!

4. Sunday's at Great Grandma's! I couldn't wait for Sunday's! That meant quality time and eating time at great grandmas house! Gosh that was some good eating! It was lunch and dinner combined at one setting! Homemade from scratch Chicken n dumplings with homemade from scratch biscuits! Next time smith field ham with cabbage, homemade from scratch mashed potatoes, and biscuits! Another Sunday Fried Chicken, mashed potatoes, and corn and biscuits! YUMMYY!! Those were the good ol' days!

5. My family being close. I mentioned it in another blog i did a while back but i cant help it i really do miss my family being close. From Sundays at Great Grandmas to sleepovers with my cousin. My whole family was always together! We always had cookouts at great grandmas too! Every summer, every holiday! Memorial day, Labor day, 4th of July, you name it we were celebrating! LOL! We always got together for every ones birthday too! We were always together! I guess i even took that for granted too! I guess I thought even if something were to happen to my Great Grandma or Grandma my family would still stay together and be together! But like i said life has a funny way of turning out the way you didn't expect! I guess everything was suppose to happen the way it all did. Things happen for a reason! 

So, there you have it! Just a few things that i miss! I cant bring those things back but i can sure hold on to those memories and tell my children someday about those memories and about their Great Grandma and their Great Great Grandma!

Until next time, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiS8YokFzeY a clip from the movie beaches and the song that was dedicated to my Grandma a long time ago! <3