My weekend. My weekend was pretty awesome. I didn't do a thing but it was great. Friday night was pretty chill. My honey and i watched a few movies and then went to bed. Nothing special. But thats what i love actually. just the time together. Im not a hard person to please. Im that kind of girl you loves to stay home and watch movies with my honey, than going out and partying until the we hours in the morning. I guess thats why he loves me so much and why he and i get along so well. Friday was also pretty cool because it finally snowed and we actually had snow on the ground! So i was able to make Snow cream! Which turned out awesome! it was so good! Saturday, the bestie and i went out for brunch. It was really nice. I kinda feel bad everytime we go out shes always paying. But when she wants to go out i never have the money. But i got her next time. We're going to her favorite place and im buying. i dont care what she says! LOL! Its so nice to have someone like that in your life who doesnt care if you cant pay sometimes when you guys do lunch. Its an awesome feeling. I love the times her and i share together because we hardly ever see each other like we use to. but you would never know that if you saw us together. Its crazy how friendship works! Saturday night, i finally got my chinese fix! I love chinese food! Its so good and so addicting! Our new favorite place to eat is teppanyaki buffet! There food is so good! we came home and watched 2 movies, then went to bed. yesterday, was pretty chill. I slept most of the day. I love sleep! sleep is like the greatest thing ever! love it! Then watched my shows and got caught up with them so i can watch the brand new episodes this week! I made dinner and it was freaking awesome! I made biscuits and gravy! i havent had that in while except for saturday when i went out with the bestie! LOL! Anyways, it turned out really good. So thats pretty much my weekend. Nothing exciting but i dont care. i love it regardless and wouldnt trade it for anyone elses weekend.
Sometimes not having money is a good thing because it shows you what you can do without it and that you dont really need it to be happy or make someone happy! <3
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Healthy && Future changes for the body
Losing weight && eating healthy.. Worst words EVER! LOL!
Today, as I'm sitting here at the computer and the clock reads 12:08, i was thinking about what i was going to write about. I first thought, i don't have nothing to write about. Then i said, yes you do. Yesterday in my Edu 235 class(which happens to be a food and nutrition class) i realized that i need to start eating healthy again. I did last year in the summer and i felt awesome, amazing, and just really happy about myself. Now, right now, i feel like a tub of lard. I swear! I'm not even joking. I want to know though, why is it so hard for us to eat healthy? Is it because we're lazy and we "have a busy life that we need to cook meals that are easy and fast" or is it because with all honesty that healthy foods are WAY TOO EXPENSIVE? Actually healthy foods are quite expensive but in my opinion its worth the cost. Especially if its going be beneficial to you in the long run. Eating healthy is hard, like really hard. Especially if your totally use to eating junk food ALL OF THE TIME. With that said though, you honestly just have to take it a day at a time. But that's hard to remember considering you want to see results right then and there. LOL! I'm totally guilty of that last year when i started eating healthy and exercising.
Last year was sort of rough for me. I had finally gotten a normal check-up appointment with a doctor to see if i was still okay and everything was okay. The doctor told me something so scary i will never forget. She told me that i was on the boarder of being someone with high blood pressure. at the time, that was so scary to hear because you think that your healthy and that nothing is wrong you. So to hear that, i was terrified. But she reassured me that it was okay and that i was going to be alright i just had to start watching what i ate. Especially foods with high sodium or even foods with sodium period. Well, that's when i started exercising everyday and watching what i ate everyday. Looking back at last year i was actually very happy and pleased with myself. I loved myself. I felt better inside and out. I miss that. Like really miss that. But i just honestly don't have any motivation to want to work out or anything. I know that's bad. :( but i cant help it. I guess if i had someone to work out with, it would be okay but everyone that i know is busy and has a life and has to work. I, however, don't work. So wanting to exercise should be something that i would enjoy doing. LOL! but its not. When i feel like this, i in all honesty, feel a total and complete failure. I feel like its because I'm so fat that i don't want to help myself be better. I start getting in this depressed moods and cant really get out of them. Losing weight though, means everything to me like college and graduating college means to me. I don't know why but it does. What do i do? Do i continue on the path that I'm going or do i sit down and have a conversation with myself and tell myself what I'm doing to do and i better do it like or not! LOL! (i really cannot believe i just said that statement)
Over the next couple of months, i think i will start changing my lifestyle and start being a new healthier person and a more non-lazy person. I guess maybe i should blame in on the weather and the fact that its still winter and of course the holidays! LOL! Excuses, excuses, excuses, i know! I tried! LOL! I guess maybe ill let my blog help me out and set myself some goals for myself and just take each one, one day at time. I need to remember that Rome was not built in a day. It took time to built something so marvelous and beautiful. :) I guess in the end though, regardless of whats going on in my life and what i look like, i should still love myself for who i am. I was born this way baby! --Yes i just stole Lady Gaga's line! LOL! I totally had to take that though, it fit perfect! :D
As i wrap this up, what i learned today in class and right now is, its okay that your not perfect and like everyone else, that is what makes you unique. To love yourself for who you are is what matters most at the end of the day because who is going to love you if you don't love yourself? (short blog this time. ill make up for it on my next blog) :)
Today, as I'm sitting here at the computer and the clock reads 12:08, i was thinking about what i was going to write about. I first thought, i don't have nothing to write about. Then i said, yes you do. Yesterday in my Edu 235 class(which happens to be a food and nutrition class) i realized that i need to start eating healthy again. I did last year in the summer and i felt awesome, amazing, and just really happy about myself. Now, right now, i feel like a tub of lard. I swear! I'm not even joking. I want to know though, why is it so hard for us to eat healthy? Is it because we're lazy and we "have a busy life that we need to cook meals that are easy and fast" or is it because with all honesty that healthy foods are WAY TOO EXPENSIVE? Actually healthy foods are quite expensive but in my opinion its worth the cost. Especially if its going be beneficial to you in the long run. Eating healthy is hard, like really hard. Especially if your totally use to eating junk food ALL OF THE TIME. With that said though, you honestly just have to take it a day at a time. But that's hard to remember considering you want to see results right then and there. LOL! I'm totally guilty of that last year when i started eating healthy and exercising.
Last year was sort of rough for me. I had finally gotten a normal check-up appointment with a doctor to see if i was still okay and everything was okay. The doctor told me something so scary i will never forget. She told me that i was on the boarder of being someone with high blood pressure. at the time, that was so scary to hear because you think that your healthy and that nothing is wrong you. So to hear that, i was terrified. But she reassured me that it was okay and that i was going to be alright i just had to start watching what i ate. Especially foods with high sodium or even foods with sodium period. Well, that's when i started exercising everyday and watching what i ate everyday. Looking back at last year i was actually very happy and pleased with myself. I loved myself. I felt better inside and out. I miss that. Like really miss that. But i just honestly don't have any motivation to want to work out or anything. I know that's bad. :( but i cant help it. I guess if i had someone to work out with, it would be okay but everyone that i know is busy and has a life and has to work. I, however, don't work. So wanting to exercise should be something that i would enjoy doing. LOL! but its not. When i feel like this, i in all honesty, feel a total and complete failure. I feel like its because I'm so fat that i don't want to help myself be better. I start getting in this depressed moods and cant really get out of them. Losing weight though, means everything to me like college and graduating college means to me. I don't know why but it does. What do i do? Do i continue on the path that I'm going or do i sit down and have a conversation with myself and tell myself what I'm doing to do and i better do it like or not! LOL! (i really cannot believe i just said that statement)
Over the next couple of months, i think i will start changing my lifestyle and start being a new healthier person and a more non-lazy person. I guess maybe i should blame in on the weather and the fact that its still winter and of course the holidays! LOL! Excuses, excuses, excuses, i know! I tried! LOL! I guess maybe ill let my blog help me out and set myself some goals for myself and just take each one, one day at time. I need to remember that Rome was not built in a day. It took time to built something so marvelous and beautiful. :) I guess in the end though, regardless of whats going on in my life and what i look like, i should still love myself for who i am. I was born this way baby! --Yes i just stole Lady Gaga's line! LOL! I totally had to take that though, it fit perfect! :D
As i wrap this up, what i learned today in class and right now is, its okay that your not perfect and like everyone else, that is what makes you unique. To love yourself for who you are is what matters most at the end of the day because who is going to love you if you don't love yourself? (short blog this time. ill make up for it on my next blog) :)
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Friends beyond the outer shell... The raw, hard truth
Friends... What is the meaning of a Friend? Why do they mean so much to us? Well, according to the Internet a friend is someone whom one knows, likes, and trusts. That's pretty simple, right?!? Well, in my opinion, a friend is someone you confide in, who is always there for you no matter what, who likes you for EXACTLY who you are and loves you for just that end of story. A friend is someone who you can not talk to for a while but the second you contact each other it was like you just seen them yesterday. A friend is someone who doesn't take you for granted and knows how important you are to them even if your poor, ugly, fat, skinny, loud, emotionally attached to your boyfriend, & so in love it's pathetic but they don't care. A friend is someone who knows yours and their situation and doesn't think you have to buy their affection, they are just there in your life because they love you and love spending time with you. That to me is a friend. And what makes those qualities fantastic is that, that friend then becomes your best friend because they know SO MUCH about you that it gives you chills every time you're with them but you just smile because it's the coolest thing you could ever feel other than love for your significant other and the Lord!
Over the years i have learned SO MUCH about friends and best friends. Of course, like always i had to learn the hard way about both. I had to literally crash and burn on my face. I had cry countless tears and hit this dark, depressing part in my body and my mind. It was terrifying looking back at it all now. i don't even know who that was. I would say this situation started in 5th Grade and progressed all through high school, and then ended right now while I'm in college. That's a long time for someone to go through things like that, being continuous and more dark and depressing. Looking back i have no idea how the heck i got through it all. It must have been the Lord. even though my boyfriend was there to give me advice and give me a shoulder to cry on. I just believe it was the Lord. he was clearly the one to give me strength to continue and make it out alive. Yes, it was THAT bad. Well, among all of that craziness, i managed to figure out why each and every friend at the those particular times meant so much to me. It was because I'm such a sensitive person and back then i let people(my friends), say and do things to me because i thought it was okay. I learned that friends mean so much to us because they are there for us and they listen to us. They let us vent about things that our family and partners don't care to hear sometimes. Those things are priceless. Those qualities mean so much to us that we would do anything to keep friends that aren't right for us just because of those qualities. Which is great, right?!? No. After a while you start to see that they have all of these wonderful qualities but their actions and their love for you isn't right for you. Their love is fake. Their kindness is fake. Its not real. It was all a dream or some sort of book you read that was never published. Its so crazy how our mind and heart works when we love. Even if it's loving a friend. It doesn't matter love is love. and when we love sometimes we don't even see straight. honestly that is a bad sign. that's when you know something is wrong and something needs to change.
I had a few friends that put me through every single thing I've mentioned. I wont name names, not because I'm scared of what they might say or do. I could honestly care less because the truth is the truth regardless of how it is said or written. It was very hard for me those years. Looking back i wondered why God put me through those situations. I wondered why he let me get so far gone in my darkness and let me be someone totally different than who i really was. At times, before i found the Lord, i wondered if he just didn't care. But when i found the Lord, and FINALLY got baptised with billy, it finally hit me why this major stepping stone happened. It happened because i needed to see for myself, i needed to learn how to handle situations like this on my own. He wanted if i really trusted in him and believed in him so much that i knew, just knew, that everything was going to be okay. He wanted this to happen so i could grow to be a better person inside and outside. He wanted be to become stronger inside and outside and be proud of myself. He wanted me to be able to find people that excepted my strong quality and be proud of me too! He showed me that things in my life happen for a reason and for a reason we cant understand but that's okay because sometimes in life you don't need to understand, you just need to trust, believe, and love. That's it. How easy and simple, right!! LOL. After realizing this new wonderful stepping stone i finally went to the one and true best friend i had and still have. I told her how much i loved her, how much she meant to me, how much i appreciate her being there for me through thick and thin. I told her that I'm sorry i let the last friend i had control how i thought about her and that it would never ever happen again. I told her that i was thankful that she didn't let money get in the way of our friendship. And no I'm not dissing those friends of mine who i talked to everyday or try to talk everyday, and the ones that take me here and take me there, and just do things for me that i am truly grateful for! i love you guys too and i appreciate you guys too! But the best friend is there through my highs, my lows, and my inbetweens! LOL!
The last friend i lost will be the last friend i let change me or who i am. When i ended the relationship last year i thought i did a horrible thing. I thought maybe just maybe i did a horrible thing and thought about calling her and telling how sorry i was. Then i thought why would i do that. When someone is the way they are, they aren't going to change. You cant change someone. They are who they are. I ended our friendship because i felt like our friendship was based on money, greed, lies, and jealousy. Why keep a friendship that has all the wrong things as its base?!? Yes i did say i was going to buy her things for us to dress up on Halloween. I did because i love shopping and i love when i know I'm going to be getting money. Especially more than 100 dollars. My mind goes a little crazy and then i cant control my mouth and i start saying what i need and want. That's why i have a loving partner to kind of bring me back to cloud 9 and say hey, those things you want are just too expensive for us to buy and gives me another idea as to what to buy or do, etc! I was told i was a liar about all of that because i happened to go with my mother and the man that my mom married to a haunted attraction. Yes i spent money! Yes it was kinda pricey but I did not pay for it out of my pocket. My boyfriend did! It was his treat to me for Halloween because he knows how much i LOVE Halloween! My mother and her husband did also help pitch in! at the time, my moms husband was generous! Ha, that didn't last long did it?!? LOL! Anyways, i was called a liar. But i wasn't told this on the phone or in person. Like everything that happens, it just so happens i was told this on facebook! It was her status! No offense but how childish! She's older than me just to let you guys know. Then after that, i was told on the phone. When i was told that i was liar about everything that was said. I immediately felt hurt and angry. our friendship immediately came to my mind and it hit me that our friendship is based on money and bought friendship. So i ended it. plain and simple. Nothing fancy or sugar coated. Honestly, now, right now, i feel like a better person. I'm happier and i can finally be myself and not feel i have to compete for someone to like me and accept me when they really and truly don't. I can finally stop feeling self conscious about who might be talking about me behind my back. A good stanza from the song "Through Glass" by Stone Sour that goes with this tragic friendship is:
"How much is real? So much to question
An epidemic of the mannequins, contaminating everything
We thought came from the heart
But never did right from the start
Just listen to the noises
(Null and void instead of voices)"
Friends, they come and go, but the ones that stay and leave a footprint on your heart that you cant forget or replace, those are the ones that matter and the ones that are going to be there forever! Choose your friends wisely. Always and always listen to your heart and the Lord. They both together, know best. Friends and best friends, at the end of the day, are truly God's gifts from heaven! My best friend and my few friends sure are! :)
Over the years i have learned SO MUCH about friends and best friends. Of course, like always i had to learn the hard way about both. I had to literally crash and burn on my face. I had cry countless tears and hit this dark, depressing part in my body and my mind. It was terrifying looking back at it all now. i don't even know who that was. I would say this situation started in 5th Grade and progressed all through high school, and then ended right now while I'm in college. That's a long time for someone to go through things like that, being continuous and more dark and depressing. Looking back i have no idea how the heck i got through it all. It must have been the Lord. even though my boyfriend was there to give me advice and give me a shoulder to cry on. I just believe it was the Lord. he was clearly the one to give me strength to continue and make it out alive. Yes, it was THAT bad. Well, among all of that craziness, i managed to figure out why each and every friend at the those particular times meant so much to me. It was because I'm such a sensitive person and back then i let people(my friends), say and do things to me because i thought it was okay. I learned that friends mean so much to us because they are there for us and they listen to us. They let us vent about things that our family and partners don't care to hear sometimes. Those things are priceless. Those qualities mean so much to us that we would do anything to keep friends that aren't right for us just because of those qualities. Which is great, right?!? No. After a while you start to see that they have all of these wonderful qualities but their actions and their love for you isn't right for you. Their love is fake. Their kindness is fake. Its not real. It was all a dream or some sort of book you read that was never published. Its so crazy how our mind and heart works when we love. Even if it's loving a friend. It doesn't matter love is love. and when we love sometimes we don't even see straight. honestly that is a bad sign. that's when you know something is wrong and something needs to change.
I had a few friends that put me through every single thing I've mentioned. I wont name names, not because I'm scared of what they might say or do. I could honestly care less because the truth is the truth regardless of how it is said or written. It was very hard for me those years. Looking back i wondered why God put me through those situations. I wondered why he let me get so far gone in my darkness and let me be someone totally different than who i really was. At times, before i found the Lord, i wondered if he just didn't care. But when i found the Lord, and FINALLY got baptised with billy, it finally hit me why this major stepping stone happened. It happened because i needed to see for myself, i needed to learn how to handle situations like this on my own. He wanted if i really trusted in him and believed in him so much that i knew, just knew, that everything was going to be okay. He wanted this to happen so i could grow to be a better person inside and outside. He wanted be to become stronger inside and outside and be proud of myself. He wanted me to be able to find people that excepted my strong quality and be proud of me too! He showed me that things in my life happen for a reason and for a reason we cant understand but that's okay because sometimes in life you don't need to understand, you just need to trust, believe, and love. That's it. How easy and simple, right!! LOL. After realizing this new wonderful stepping stone i finally went to the one and true best friend i had and still have. I told her how much i loved her, how much she meant to me, how much i appreciate her being there for me through thick and thin. I told her that I'm sorry i let the last friend i had control how i thought about her and that it would never ever happen again. I told her that i was thankful that she didn't let money get in the way of our friendship. And no I'm not dissing those friends of mine who i talked to everyday or try to talk everyday, and the ones that take me here and take me there, and just do things for me that i am truly grateful for! i love you guys too and i appreciate you guys too! But the best friend is there through my highs, my lows, and my inbetweens! LOL!
The last friend i lost will be the last friend i let change me or who i am. When i ended the relationship last year i thought i did a horrible thing. I thought maybe just maybe i did a horrible thing and thought about calling her and telling how sorry i was. Then i thought why would i do that. When someone is the way they are, they aren't going to change. You cant change someone. They are who they are. I ended our friendship because i felt like our friendship was based on money, greed, lies, and jealousy. Why keep a friendship that has all the wrong things as its base?!? Yes i did say i was going to buy her things for us to dress up on Halloween. I did because i love shopping and i love when i know I'm going to be getting money. Especially more than 100 dollars. My mind goes a little crazy and then i cant control my mouth and i start saying what i need and want. That's why i have a loving partner to kind of bring me back to cloud 9 and say hey, those things you want are just too expensive for us to buy and gives me another idea as to what to buy or do, etc! I was told i was a liar about all of that because i happened to go with my mother and the man that my mom married to a haunted attraction. Yes i spent money! Yes it was kinda pricey but I did not pay for it out of my pocket. My boyfriend did! It was his treat to me for Halloween because he knows how much i LOVE Halloween! My mother and her husband did also help pitch in! at the time, my moms husband was generous! Ha, that didn't last long did it?!? LOL! Anyways, i was called a liar. But i wasn't told this on the phone or in person. Like everything that happens, it just so happens i was told this on facebook! It was her status! No offense but how childish! She's older than me just to let you guys know. Then after that, i was told on the phone. When i was told that i was liar about everything that was said. I immediately felt hurt and angry. our friendship immediately came to my mind and it hit me that our friendship is based on money and bought friendship. So i ended it. plain and simple. Nothing fancy or sugar coated. Honestly, now, right now, i feel like a better person. I'm happier and i can finally be myself and not feel i have to compete for someone to like me and accept me when they really and truly don't. I can finally stop feeling self conscious about who might be talking about me behind my back. A good stanza from the song "Through Glass" by Stone Sour that goes with this tragic friendship is:
"How much is real? So much to question
An epidemic of the mannequins, contaminating everything
We thought came from the heart
But never did right from the start
Just listen to the noises
(Null and void instead of voices)"
Friends, they come and go, but the ones that stay and leave a footprint on your heart that you cant forget or replace, those are the ones that matter and the ones that are going to be there forever! Choose your friends wisely. Always and always listen to your heart and the Lord. They both together, know best. Friends and best friends, at the end of the day, are truly God's gifts from heaven! My best friend and my few friends sure are! :)
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
The road to love, happiness, && my dream
Dreams.. What are dreams and what are their purpose? Dreams are visions of what we think about and possibly want to happen. Their purpose is to show what will happen or what could happen if we choose certain paths to take or what have you. Dreams are little movie clips that play in our head to show us what we are doing wrong or what we are doing right to that we might fix whatever it is we need to fix or to continue doing the right thing.
As I'm sitting in front of the computer this morning at 12:58am it occurred to me that I need to blog about my dream and my road to my dream. Well, it all started back in 2008. It had been 2 years since I lost my Grandma. I was so close to graduating. I didn't even think I was going to graduate. But i did. However i didn't get to walk across the stage or actually have my diploma but i did graduate, it's on my transcript. I know, ridiculous, right?!? Anyway, Feeling so low and that I wouldn't amount to anything, i told my mom one day while i was laying out with her sun bathing, that she might as well give up wanting me to find someone and all that yadda yadda stuff that goes along with finding your soul mate, partner, etc! She tells me that I'm foolish and that i will find someone i just have to be patient. Someone will come to me. Funny enough though, my Grandma told me the same thing when i was younger. Weird i know, didn't expect that to come from my Mother too! LOL. Well, that actually happened. I met my soul mate, my partner, the love of my life, on a Saturday afternoon in June. We went to a get together, drank, ate, and talked the whole night. Yeah honestly, that's all we did. We just talked the whole night about ourselves. Looking back it was so awesome! It was just a relaxed night just talking with my best friend. We literally were talking to each other like we had known each other forever! After that, we hung out and did really cool things together. I was taught how to crab the poor way and it was awesome. After that, came the month of July. At this point, we had known each other for a month and honestly it felt like i had known him my whole life. He asked me out July 4th at 3:35 in the morning. And everyone wants to know why i stay up late at night and into the we hours in the morning. Anyways, soon after we talked about the future and he told me his dreams and wants for me. He told me that he would like for me to figure out what i want to do with my life other than be with him for the rest of my life. So i thought about it and decided that i wanted to go to college and that i wanted to be a preschool teacher. i decided on Childcare as my profession because when i was a child and attended childcare i loved my teachers. They were so kind and dear to me and listened to me when i was feeling sad. I also want to make a difference in the world by reaching out to children. I want to be that one teacher that changes at least one child's mind about school and about life. At first, i was scared. Like really scared because i thought that i would never be accepted into college or even graduate or even make it through college. But Billy reassured me that i can do it and that i will be fine. So, in 2010, i applied to Thomas Nelson Community College. That summer i registered for my first class and passed. The following semester, which was fall, I took some pre-reqs. I passed all of them. 2011 came, and i registered for spring classes and took my first child class. It was great. After taking that one class, i knew that Early Childhood Educational Development was for me. After that, it's been up hill for me in my classes. The only thing I'm struggling with still is being a procrastinator but i think I'm grasping it by the horns and i think I've got it managed now. Let's just pray and cross some fingers! LOL!
This road to where i am right now was long and hard. But let me tell you it was totally worth every sweat, tear, and time. I would not take back anything I've done! This road has been great. It's still going but its slowly almost over. I just have about 8 or 7 more classes to do and I'm done. I know, I'm slow at achieving my degree but i rather be slow than be completely overwhelmed and exhausted by the time i finish. I want to finish feeling good. This is going to make someone bust out laughing but when i finish college, i want The cranberries song-Dreams to be playing! I'm such a nerd but i don't care! :)
I just can't believe how much time as flown by these past 4 years. Billy coming into my life set the first stepping stone into my road to love, happiness, and my dream! I never would have thought i could do it if he hadn't came into my life. He and God deserve much more than i could ever offer. They are amazing and my hero's! I will be forever grateful for them!
Dreams.. We all have them but it's what we choose in our life to make them come true is what is beyond extraordinary measures and is what is completely awesome! Go on and dream but make them come true! :)
As I'm sitting in front of the computer this morning at 12:58am it occurred to me that I need to blog about my dream and my road to my dream. Well, it all started back in 2008. It had been 2 years since I lost my Grandma. I was so close to graduating. I didn't even think I was going to graduate. But i did. However i didn't get to walk across the stage or actually have my diploma but i did graduate, it's on my transcript. I know, ridiculous, right?!? Anyway, Feeling so low and that I wouldn't amount to anything, i told my mom one day while i was laying out with her sun bathing, that she might as well give up wanting me to find someone and all that yadda yadda stuff that goes along with finding your soul mate, partner, etc! She tells me that I'm foolish and that i will find someone i just have to be patient. Someone will come to me. Funny enough though, my Grandma told me the same thing when i was younger. Weird i know, didn't expect that to come from my Mother too! LOL. Well, that actually happened. I met my soul mate, my partner, the love of my life, on a Saturday afternoon in June. We went to a get together, drank, ate, and talked the whole night. Yeah honestly, that's all we did. We just talked the whole night about ourselves. Looking back it was so awesome! It was just a relaxed night just talking with my best friend. We literally were talking to each other like we had known each other forever! After that, we hung out and did really cool things together. I was taught how to crab the poor way and it was awesome. After that, came the month of July. At this point, we had known each other for a month and honestly it felt like i had known him my whole life. He asked me out July 4th at 3:35 in the morning. And everyone wants to know why i stay up late at night and into the we hours in the morning. Anyways, soon after we talked about the future and he told me his dreams and wants for me. He told me that he would like for me to figure out what i want to do with my life other than be with him for the rest of my life. So i thought about it and decided that i wanted to go to college and that i wanted to be a preschool teacher. i decided on Childcare as my profession because when i was a child and attended childcare i loved my teachers. They were so kind and dear to me and listened to me when i was feeling sad. I also want to make a difference in the world by reaching out to children. I want to be that one teacher that changes at least one child's mind about school and about life. At first, i was scared. Like really scared because i thought that i would never be accepted into college or even graduate or even make it through college. But Billy reassured me that i can do it and that i will be fine. So, in 2010, i applied to Thomas Nelson Community College. That summer i registered for my first class and passed. The following semester, which was fall, I took some pre-reqs. I passed all of them. 2011 came, and i registered for spring classes and took my first child class. It was great. After taking that one class, i knew that Early Childhood Educational Development was for me. After that, it's been up hill for me in my classes. The only thing I'm struggling with still is being a procrastinator but i think I'm grasping it by the horns and i think I've got it managed now. Let's just pray and cross some fingers! LOL!
This road to where i am right now was long and hard. But let me tell you it was totally worth every sweat, tear, and time. I would not take back anything I've done! This road has been great. It's still going but its slowly almost over. I just have about 8 or 7 more classes to do and I'm done. I know, I'm slow at achieving my degree but i rather be slow than be completely overwhelmed and exhausted by the time i finish. I want to finish feeling good. This is going to make someone bust out laughing but when i finish college, i want The cranberries song-Dreams to be playing! I'm such a nerd but i don't care! :)
I just can't believe how much time as flown by these past 4 years. Billy coming into my life set the first stepping stone into my road to love, happiness, and my dream! I never would have thought i could do it if he hadn't came into my life. He and God deserve much more than i could ever offer. They are amazing and my hero's! I will be forever grateful for them!
Dreams.. We all have them but it's what we choose in our life to make them come true is what is beyond extraordinary measures and is what is completely awesome! Go on and dream but make them come true! :)
Things that hurt.. what do you do?
Words.. Spoken Words.. Sentences.. Spoken Sentences.. This is how we communicate daily. It's how we know what's going with the world. It's how we know how someone is feeling. That simple right. Harmless. They don't hurt. How can they hurt you, they don't touch you, Is what your told by people. Well, I'm here to tell you that Words and however they are put, whether just spoken or put into sentences, they hurt, regardless. People don't realize that once you say whatever it is your going to say, you can't never ever take it back no matter how bad you want to. I have found that out the hard way the past 4 1/2 years. It's hard. It's hard because sometimes when your so mad you just want to say whatever it is on your mind because your upset and hurt, but you shouldn't. We humans, when we are hurt, we tend to say or do something that will hurt the person who hurt us, but we shouldn't act like because 2 wrongs don't make a right. It's hard but you sometimes just have to let things go, move on, and just pray about it. You can't just live your life being like other people because that is not going to get you no where. You have to be yourself and sometimes you just have to hold your tongue even though it's hard. Over the past 4 1/2 years i have had to learn that little lesson the hard way. I never understood 4 years ago when my boyfriend and I started dating we would constantly argue and argue. Almost everyday. Never stopping. It got really tiring and exhausting. Finally, we talked. He and I shared how we felt when we argued and what we said to each that made us feel that way. When we did this, we were communicating with one another how we felt and what bothered us. When he would say something or raise his voice at me, i would immediately shut down and defend myself. With that, i would say things that i didn't mean only because i felt hurt. That is by far the worse thing to do. The best thing to do is just to walk away. It took me a while to figure this all out. Well, anyways, today we are good. Once in a while we will have a argument but it's resolved shortly after.
Anyways, that's not the main reason why I'm writing this blog today. Today i am writing this blog because a few weeks ago my feelings got hurt really bad by someone i never would have thought would hurt my feelings. I hate to name names but he will never read this. And even if he does, i don't care because I'm not lying, I'm simply telling the truth. My step dad, the man that my mom married 20 years ago. The man, i didn't know but my mom loved and married. I accepted that. I accepted that my mom loved this man and wanted to marry him, i accepted him into my life without knowing the consequences and circumstances. I even accepted into my heart long enough to even call him Daddy. Wow! That's a lot for a child considering I had already had a father from the time i was born until that very moment and so on. My grandma hated, my grandpa hated, everyone in my family hated the fact that i called him Daddy. But i didn't care. I felt something for him that i could not explain. I loved my mother and wanted to be as close to her as possible even if it meant calling someone i didn't know Daddy. So for the rest of my life and up until those few weeks ago he was Daddy to me. Well, Fall of 2012, my boyfriend and I lost our vehicle. It died. So I needed a ride back and forth to school on Monday's, Wednesday's, Thursday's. So, my only and last choice was asking my mother. Mind you, my mother hadn't done nothing for me about college or even any school thing up until this point in my life. I was truly grateful and happy about it because she accepted. My stepfather, agreed also. I just had to pay gas money. Quite extreme for a daughter who is bettering herself and is trying to make a difference in her life, but i didn't care paid gas money anyway. $60 dollars a every 2 weeks. Yeah, crazy right?!? But i did it because i had no other choice. plus i got to see my mom on those days. It was great. It was like a win, win situation for me. Anyways, well fall semester ended. No soon as fall semester ended, Thanksgiving came, and no soon as Thanksgiving came, Christmas eve, and Christmas, and New years, and New years day came! So i had completely forgotten about paying my mother for that last week. Silly mistake. Common Era. People forget things all the time right?!? Well, no! Everybody but my Stepfather. Well, i had asked my mother if she could take me to school for spring semester for one day. I said yes. But my step father said no because i didn't pay my mother 25 dollars. I was told that if i wanted a ride that i needed to buy a vehicle or find another way to school. I thought that was just going to be it of the conversation. Oh no. It wasn't. I was told that if i didn't get everything i had asked for, for Christmas, then i would have money for a vehicle. I was told that i talk crap about my mom behind her back and that i only use my mother. I was told i wasn't a good daughter. This went on for quite sometime. Finally, he told me that i never wanted him as a father, or daddy, i didn't care about him and blah blah blah. He said more, but my blog isn't going to have cursing on it, so i can't say anymore about what he said. Anyway, I sat there, looking at those text messages, and wondering where on earth did all of this come from. I sat there and just cried like a baby. Why? Because i did love him like a father, sadly. I did do everything i could to make him happy and love me like his own. But everything i did and have done was never good enough compared to his own children. Even though, they both are druggies, one is a high school drop out with 2 kids and not married, the other one, dropped out but managed to get his GED, etc! But what really hurt was the fact that he said all of this to me at the time that my boyfriend and I had discussed him walking me down the aisle along side my grandfather. I was actually going to let that happen even though that would have truly hurt and upset my grandfather dearly because my grandfather is the one that was there from the beginning. Did everything he could to raise me right with my grandma. Never turned me away, always gave me anything i needed and wanted without question or motive. So yes, i sat there and cried. I was speechless, hurt, and torn. And the most saddest thing of all, is he can never take back what he said to me. He can never ever say anything else that can make how i feel go away. He can try, but its just not going to be the same like it was before he said all of those things to me instead of just talking to me face to face and telling me how he felt like a normal human being. He messed up one of the greatest relationships he will ever have in his life because he chose to speak while being hurt instead of waiting and telling me how he felt. Today, i am okay. I have moved forward with my head held high because i know i have people that love me for me and that will always be there for me regardless of what i do. They are the people that truly matter. My life is still together. I am happy. I believe that was the devil that day. I believe it was the devil trying to break me down and make me feel less than nothing that day. The devil actually thought he was going to win. But oh boy was he wrong. I'm still together, happy, and blissful. I may have those days where i feel like I'm not doing good enough. But its okay because like i said i have those people that care and love me and will pick me when i feel down. They know who they are!
See, acting out of spite or hurtfulness or anger doesn't solve anything and doesn't make it any better than the how the situation was before. It only makes it worse, and in the end, it tears bonds and relationships up to where you can no longer fix them or say anything to make it right. Please, after you read this, tell the people that matter to you how much they mean to you and let them know you will always come to them to talk it out when your feeling sad, hurt, or angry. Listen to your heart, it knows best!
Anyways, that's not the main reason why I'm writing this blog today. Today i am writing this blog because a few weeks ago my feelings got hurt really bad by someone i never would have thought would hurt my feelings. I hate to name names but he will never read this. And even if he does, i don't care because I'm not lying, I'm simply telling the truth. My step dad, the man that my mom married 20 years ago. The man, i didn't know but my mom loved and married. I accepted that. I accepted that my mom loved this man and wanted to marry him, i accepted him into my life without knowing the consequences and circumstances. I even accepted into my heart long enough to even call him Daddy. Wow! That's a lot for a child considering I had already had a father from the time i was born until that very moment and so on. My grandma hated, my grandpa hated, everyone in my family hated the fact that i called him Daddy. But i didn't care. I felt something for him that i could not explain. I loved my mother and wanted to be as close to her as possible even if it meant calling someone i didn't know Daddy. So for the rest of my life and up until those few weeks ago he was Daddy to me. Well, Fall of 2012, my boyfriend and I lost our vehicle. It died. So I needed a ride back and forth to school on Monday's, Wednesday's, Thursday's. So, my only and last choice was asking my mother. Mind you, my mother hadn't done nothing for me about college or even any school thing up until this point in my life. I was truly grateful and happy about it because she accepted. My stepfather, agreed also. I just had to pay gas money. Quite extreme for a daughter who is bettering herself and is trying to make a difference in her life, but i didn't care paid gas money anyway. $60 dollars a every 2 weeks. Yeah, crazy right?!? But i did it because i had no other choice. plus i got to see my mom on those days. It was great. It was like a win, win situation for me. Anyways, well fall semester ended. No soon as fall semester ended, Thanksgiving came, and no soon as Thanksgiving came, Christmas eve, and Christmas, and New years, and New years day came! So i had completely forgotten about paying my mother for that last week. Silly mistake. Common Era. People forget things all the time right?!? Well, no! Everybody but my Stepfather. Well, i had asked my mother if she could take me to school for spring semester for one day. I said yes. But my step father said no because i didn't pay my mother 25 dollars. I was told that if i wanted a ride that i needed to buy a vehicle or find another way to school. I thought that was just going to be it of the conversation. Oh no. It wasn't. I was told that if i didn't get everything i had asked for, for Christmas, then i would have money for a vehicle. I was told that i talk crap about my mom behind her back and that i only use my mother. I was told i wasn't a good daughter. This went on for quite sometime. Finally, he told me that i never wanted him as a father, or daddy, i didn't care about him and blah blah blah. He said more, but my blog isn't going to have cursing on it, so i can't say anymore about what he said. Anyway, I sat there, looking at those text messages, and wondering where on earth did all of this come from. I sat there and just cried like a baby. Why? Because i did love him like a father, sadly. I did do everything i could to make him happy and love me like his own. But everything i did and have done was never good enough compared to his own children. Even though, they both are druggies, one is a high school drop out with 2 kids and not married, the other one, dropped out but managed to get his GED, etc! But what really hurt was the fact that he said all of this to me at the time that my boyfriend and I had discussed him walking me down the aisle along side my grandfather. I was actually going to let that happen even though that would have truly hurt and upset my grandfather dearly because my grandfather is the one that was there from the beginning. Did everything he could to raise me right with my grandma. Never turned me away, always gave me anything i needed and wanted without question or motive. So yes, i sat there and cried. I was speechless, hurt, and torn. And the most saddest thing of all, is he can never take back what he said to me. He can never ever say anything else that can make how i feel go away. He can try, but its just not going to be the same like it was before he said all of those things to me instead of just talking to me face to face and telling me how he felt like a normal human being. He messed up one of the greatest relationships he will ever have in his life because he chose to speak while being hurt instead of waiting and telling me how he felt. Today, i am okay. I have moved forward with my head held high because i know i have people that love me for me and that will always be there for me regardless of what i do. They are the people that truly matter. My life is still together. I am happy. I believe that was the devil that day. I believe it was the devil trying to break me down and make me feel less than nothing that day. The devil actually thought he was going to win. But oh boy was he wrong. I'm still together, happy, and blissful. I may have those days where i feel like I'm not doing good enough. But its okay because like i said i have those people that care and love me and will pick me when i feel down. They know who they are!
See, acting out of spite or hurtfulness or anger doesn't solve anything and doesn't make it any better than the how the situation was before. It only makes it worse, and in the end, it tears bonds and relationships up to where you can no longer fix them or say anything to make it right. Please, after you read this, tell the people that matter to you how much they mean to you and let them know you will always come to them to talk it out when your feeling sad, hurt, or angry. Listen to your heart, it knows best!
Monday, January 21, 2013
Life. What about it?
Life. What is life? What does it mean to you? I sure you have heard that question before. But really, what is life? Life to me is something we all have and we all take for granted all the time. Life is this great wonderful thing that God gave us. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I believe in God, so if you don't you have the option to not read what I blog about. Anyways, God gave us this great thing called life. He spent his time and life making sure we all have a life and live our life happy and sin free. So why would we want to take our life for granted? We humans are very hard to understand. We are so needy, yet we're stubborn and ignorant at the same time. We want SO much in our life, yet most of us don't want to work for it. We rather just wait for someone to hand whatever it is we want. Why is that? Is it because how we were raised? Is it because we're lazy? I think most people are like that because of both. How they were raised and because they are lazy. I've learned and grown so much over the past 4 years. I've learned a lot about people and that they take their life for granted. These people have this attitude about them like nothing can hurt them or that they are better than everybody else. They think that is okay and that the people they hurt will forgive them because they understand why they are the way they are. But I don't agree with that. It's so wrong on so many levels. You are suppose to treat people how you want to be treated. We all know that saying and that quote. Well, it's true. Even if we don't like and we hear it all the time. The truth hurts and we humans hate the truth. I wish that people while living their life could just stop and see the beauty of their life and the reasons why we are here and why we are living. Life is this great and wonderful thing if you let be and want it to be. I love my life. Even though sometimes i hit some pretty hard places in my life, i still however, love my life. I would not trade my life for nothing in the world. I don't have regrets. Living your life and not having any regrets makes your life even better. So, life, what about it? Life is great. Life is this amazing thing that God gave you so you could see the world and show the world who you are and what you've learned. Life is precious. You only have one so live it to the fullest and the happiest you can!
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